Dear My Loving Wife,
I have no plans of leaving this plane of existence anytime soon. You never know, though. I could be in a car accident, have a bone lodge in my throat, or the wrong person could cough on me.
It’s a dangerous world.
If I die, I want you to be happy. You deserve love and happiness and pleasure.
It’s okay with me if you remarry. You may do so with my blessing.
You may honor them or not. And if you don’t honor them, you may still remarry. Just maybe not with my blessing.
I put off an About Me story, first because I didn’t know what to say and then because I couldn’t decide what to leave out.
We all have a multitude of stories.
For this post, I decided to tell the complicated one about admitting I was a writer then how I later became one.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself.
(I am large, I contain multitudes.) — Walt Whitman
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then. I contradict myself.
(No, I don’t. Yes, I do. Hush, you.) — Scott Hughey
I was adopted, along with my…
To the gentleman at table #5:
You’ve just ordered a 12-ounce ribeye steak. It’s usually a fine choice. The high-fat content makes the steak tender and juicy, cooked in its own juices. When prepared properly, you’ll find it perfectly seared and exploding with flavor.
Except, you ordered it well-done.
I immediately knew several things.
What do the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Neil Gaiman have in common?
Aside from the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch (AKA Dr. Strange) has always seemed to me to be the acting version of Neil Gaiman, the answer is masterful storytelling.
Neil has a quote somewhere. I can’t remember if it came from a speech, a book, his masterclass, or some other source. I can’t quite put it into full context, and I’ll have to paraphrase. But it fits what is happening in the MCU.
Neil discussed one of the most beautiful moments of crafting a story. It’s when you’re trying…
Open Letters has been thrilled with the entries for our Response Letters Contest. The responses brought laughter to many. Be sure to read these replies and the original letters, if you haven’t already.
Below are the finalists in no particular order. No, that’s not right. It’s clearly an order. What’s the accurate way of saying it? Ah, I’ve got it.
Below are the finalists in no intended order.
Note: This is a slight expansion (with grammar correction) of an answer I wrote on Quora to Have you ever said something in an interview that immediately disqualified you from the position?
My long career in IT started in programming.
I joke that I was a mediocre to a below-average programmer. The truth is, I wasn’t bad, I just lacked real-world experience. I‘d taught myself to program, along with learning bad habits. Fortunately, I picked up good ones in college.
College isn’t the real world though.
An internship followed by a full-time programming job provided programming experience. …
I must tell you about Alias. The problem is, where do I start?
Alias was the greatest spy drama of 2002. In only five seasons, it degraded into the worst spy drama of 2005. If you debated that the fifth season was the worst of the 2000s, I couldn’t argue the point.
So do I tell you the mildly humorous story of how I went from mocking to loving the show? Or do I mention my 19-year crush that not only lives on today but that I failed miserably to keep from my wife? …
To My Sockless Friend,
Forgive Dobby. Bad Dobby! Bad!
Courtney Burry is kind and generous. Dobby has committed a most heinous crime against you. Your letter has moved Dobby to tears. Dobby had to punish himself terribly. Dobby shut his head in the dryer several times.
But you must not be angry with Dobby. Dobby has your best interests in mind, mistress.
Dobby is protecting you! You must believe Dobby. Dobby swears this to be true.
When mistress fled the magical spider monster in Japan, mistress left behind several things.
She left a housecoat, a half-eaten sandwich, and…
I’m a juggler.
I also possess a quick wit, or at least I like to think I do. One night, years ago, the two came together.
I performed my juggling act on a cruise ship. No, I wasn’t a regular performer. I entered the ship’s talent show.
It went well. I crushed the competition only I’m not talking about the juggling performance. My competition was the MC. He was a comedian, the night’s host, and made several jokes at the performers’ expense.
My juggling act was passable (if you’ll pardon the juggling pun.)
My wit made for the laugh of…